Presence is a Present


Its hard, being a new Mum, we put so much pressure on ourselves and feel that ‘they’ do too.

Especially after all the fuss and excitement is calmed down and literally the party is over and the guests have gone home. You as mum are left alone to clean up. The tea cups and the dirty plates, the mountains of laundry that never ends and then there is all the baby needs. You may be sitting down but are you resting? I bet not, ( I’m a mum of a busy 4.5 month old ) so I know , that your brain is buzzing. And it sucks ….

But we need to start looking after ourselves. At a class that I recently went to pointed out , you cannot pour from an empty cup. It is so true and so hard to not do. We will squeeze out every drop for our family and not ourselves . We eat the burnt toast, giving everyone else the good stuff, we will not eat at all sometimes because we can get so busy and caught up in life activities. My wee group laugh that we make a drink , hot in the morning and never actually get to drink it, or sip at it all day. We may as well put ice in it and have to as a cold drink.

We need to take care of ourselves

Joking aside it is so important to take for yourself, this can be done with bubs and or without , although it is strange when you go out without them , like to a class or gym and they are at home even then we can’t stop thinking about them or the next days shopping or appointment  thats coming up.  I have found forced time to drink  that drink is best with others like a communal protest. Best done with company . Try a coffee house , with other mothers , we can relax, vent / bitch /exchange and drink that drink as it cost money, ( good motivator ) and  its hot and bubs is usually in a car seat or pushchair and we are allowed to socialise. My group and I always try to have this coffee , this snatched time together because we are great supporters of each other and it is good for us.

See how I used the language ‘allowed’ this is an important word because we are our harshest critiques and we need to allow ourselves time for ourselves. And time to just sit and bond with our baby. When you are on that couch for that feed, be there, be present be there with your child.  Try to clear your mind and your schedule and your box sets if they are asleep on the boob or in your arms. You don’t have to put them down to do the laundry. (But you do have to put them down to eat !)

Coping mechanisms

My mind races all the things that in a quiet moment my brain decides to tell me, probably because it can’t get a word in edgeways normally so I have a piece of paper/pad to jot down all the things it feels it needs to fill me in on , like an assistant, you have an appointment tomorrow , have to re packed the nappy bag after the poonami of yesterday , panic did I put that nappy in the wash? ( we on cloth bums ) or is it sitting in the nappy bag still stinking !!  I write it all down , thank my brain for the download and the update and shut down the screen stare at my child and kiss her fingers. 

My other friend who has an older child and I am sure I have said this in other blogs so sorry if I repeat, that she longs for those half hour feeds on the couch, as when they were happening she felt like she was wasting time or had other places to be. It’s my mantra with my wee one to enjoy those forced sit downs those moments to rest and relax.   

Time is the gift we give them and ourselves

We need to be present in our own presence. Our time is a gift. Open that box. Jump in. Feel good. Smile and enjoy it. It will be hard but we have to work on it. We have to go back to the gym, if thats you’re thing, return to book club. Force ourselves out of the house and on that walk, or to that coffee date ( or tea or choice of beverage ) we need to enjoy our moments with and without baby. You are allowed to just sit when they sleep, close your eyes and just breathe ….. And not feel guilty. So sit down , put your feet up and just be …. Till that phone rings or the door bell goes or the laundry/ dishwasher beeps etc.  kidding Im ordering you to ignore it . As the captain says on the plane , you have to put your own mask on before helping others . it’s so true !!   Be kind to yourself  x

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Cee Rainey
Cee Rainey

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